Monday March 26th 1:17 a.m.

I’m so not looking forward to this week and next…and possibly the next few after. We’re now in the weeks where Liam’s white blood cell counts will drop and the battle of staving off the host of viruses, bacteria and germs that are waiting in invade his body begins. In fact, I dread this week..so much so that I can’t eat. And in the wee hours of the morning, I’m alone in my fears. I would be lying if I didn’t say that I’m terrified, but I’m trying to gear myself up for the ensuing battle. Cross-contamination is a huge way of introducing germs to Liam. And one of the best ways to combat is as simple as washing your hands…a lot. I’ve washed mine so much that the skin is flaking and peeling. I can’t put lotion on my hands without wincing in pain – they’re that tender – but dammit, I’m not going to allow my nurturing hands to be a pathway for germs to get to Liam. When I’m out in public, I want to run in fear when I hear someone sneeze. When I get ready to get on an elevator, I want to cry out to everyone…”if anyone is sick or has been near anyone who is sick, please let me know.” I want to put a sign over Liam’s head that says – “I’m fighting cancer. Please keep your germs to yourself.” And I find myself looking at someone with alarm if I hear them sniffling and scanning faces for runny noses.